soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
