I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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