exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
