Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
