At least make sure they are 18
Why
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
