Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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