I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
