This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
