Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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