FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she smelled like a LAN party
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
