Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
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I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
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Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
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