***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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