Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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