So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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