I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
