is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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