Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
