my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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