I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
