So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
