I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The air taste purple.
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