If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
