Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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