I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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