it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
