hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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