I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
