last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I have aggressive nipples.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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