did you get engaged???
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
