so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
