We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize