I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
