You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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