remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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