I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
