hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
