I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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