im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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