Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
