Sry I called you an 8
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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