I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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