i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
