I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
