Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
