He kissed a someone with a penis
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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