i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
