Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
