omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
