Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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