The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
