Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Randomize
