I can text with my tongue
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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