If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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