i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
