K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
