Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
