I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
