first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
