I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
