i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
