Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
