how can u be prego again
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
