The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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