how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
try to milk me bitch
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