Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
