last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
this boner is exhausting
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
this will be a night to untag.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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