nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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