Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
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I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
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The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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