I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
