Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
