I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
