It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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