whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
