so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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