It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
