You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
