he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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